How to not lose the plot…most of the time.
Working from home and raising kids is all good while each element stays in its box. You feel like you are rocking it. You are SuperMum. You’ve so got this. You can have it all.
It feels great while everything stays in its box. And then something shifts. It’s not even usually a big thing. In fact, it’s usually the little things that mess up your finely-balanced work/home ecosystem. Yesterday, that thing was a client coming back to me at 3.15 rather than 2.30.
As I get more experience doing this, I’m getting better at seeing it coming, keeping it in perspective and coping with it. Here’s some of what I’ve learned.
Pause – When it all starts to go pear-shaped, the first thing I do is pause. I find looking out a window really useful, or pausing to gaze at my children. I find that a moment of perspective really puts things in context. Then I make a plan.
Don’t apologise – This one is hard, and I still struggle with it. My client came back to me at 3.15pm, outside my working hours on that day. I’d been clear with my deadline. They were late, I was not. Just because I finished work before the traditional 5pm didn’t mean I needed to apologise. But far out it is hard not to apologise, and what would I have been apologising for? It wasn’t my fault, but I still had to bite my tongue to stop myself from doing it.
Make peace with technology – Yes, handing your child an iPad or turning on the TV isn’t ideal parenting, but it is not bad parenting. Sometimes ideals need to be compromised to make sure there’s money to put food on the table, because that’s one of the reasons I work. I work to give my family more choices and opportunities, and sometimes that means they need to do their part by quietly watching a screen so Mummy can sort out problems that were not of her creation.
Accept help – Just as it all started to turn bad, my mum arrived. My mum is awesome. She kept the kids entertained and out of my way while I sorted out the work situation. I felt bad because she’d popped over to visit, not to babysit. But she’d also popped over to help me, and it turned out I really needed it. So I thanked her. This is what I try to do to stop myself apologising. Yep, still apologising for things that are not really my doing. I think thanking people is healthier. It acknowledges the support you’re receiving, but isn’t a comment on how you are failing.
Be proud of what you are – I am a Mum, as well as a business owner. So last night when my three-year-old decided to interrupt my call, I let him. I paused my call, and I answered my son’s question. This is a big step for me. I used to hide in my room holding the door closed to keep the kids out while I tried to sound professional on my work calls. The thing is, the more I do this the more I realise most clients don’t care. They accept it as part of working with me. They trust me to make my deadlines and deliver quality work.
So last night I ended up working and taking calls on and off until 8pm. It wasn’t ideal, but my family moved around me as I did it. I cooked dinner between calls, and the other wonderfully capable women I work with did the same. We got the work done for the client, we made up for the delay they had caused, and our kids were fed, bathed and tucked into bed while we did it. We got the jobs done, both of them. Our kids were fine, and no one lost the plot…this time.
Do you have strategies you use when it all turns to custard? What are they? How do you manage when the work/home balance tips?
Jasmine Hardy Mills is one of the founders of Part Time Professionals. She is a business owner, learning specialist, and champion of solutions to help women work more flexibly. She lives with her husband and their three children in Porirua.