When I talk to women about returning to work I find they base their plans on what they used to do. This makes sense – it’s what they know. What this approach fails to acknowledge is that so much has changed.

Why being able to leave my marriage makes me happy to stay? I didn’t realise this until I had my first child. I found being on maternity leave a real struggle. Being reliant on my husband for so much really didn’t sit well with me. I know that we’re a team, and he never made me feel anything other than loved and appreciated, but I felt a loss.

If I continue to keep tight control over every aspect of every project, then I need to accept my business will only be able to achieve a finite level of growth. There are only so many hours in my day, and I’ve made a commitment to spend a reasonable number of them with my family, friends and sleeping.

I’ve finally made it to work. I’m not late I don’t have fixed hours, but I’m later than I intended to be. I‘m calm, and in a reasonable frame of mind. My pre-schooler took two hours to get himself ready for kindy today, and everyone got to where they needed to be without tears.

There’s a world of difference between the kind of busy that you’ve chosen and the kind that’s thrust upon you. Essentially, ‘busy’ that’s beyond your control is simply stressful.

Women returning to work after maternity leave are driven to output – and not only the women who return to traditional work structures, but also those who move into part time or voluntary work situations.

Catching up for coffee is business code for a short informal meeting. It’s a modern minefield of unspoken etiquette. Catching up for coffee in a social setting is easy. You make a time, chose a location, and catch up for a chat. The business world is different. There are unspoken rules and I’m only just starting to get my head around it.

As mothers and business women we put so much pressure on ourselves to get it right all the time, to be Little Miss Perfect. It feels like if we fail at anything, we are letting down all the other women who are trying to appear as if they have it all under control. When, in reality, we are all balancing everything in a fragile equilibrium.

I find it ridiculously hard to say no in work situations. I’m fine in the rest of my life which I find even stranger. The issue is clearly linked to work situations. So what’s going on?

Working from home and raising kids is all good while each element stays in its box. And then something shifts. It’s not even usually a big thing. In fact, it’s usually the little things that mess up your finely-balanced work/home ecosystem. Yesterday, that thing was a client coming back to me at 3.15 rather than 2.30.

Last week one of our Part Time Professionals was in hospital, with her laptop, trying to finish jobs. Don’t get me wrong, we weren’t encouraging her. We told her to relax and recover. She kept working. This is the double-edged sword of being self-employed – you get to be your own boss, but sometimes your boss is a bitch.

No really, I am pregnant. The baby is due in August. It’s our third boy. We are very happy. So why am I so terrified about telling my clients?

My ten-year-old son asked me yesterday “why is Dad working so much more than you when you both have jobs? It doesn’t seem fair.” I told him that’s just the way it is at the moment. And this is true, but the fire of resentment is building in me, as I suspect it is in households all around the country and the world. 

Yesterday at 1.45pm will become one of those times that everyone in the country remembers exactly where they were and what they were doing for years to come. The next few weeks are shaping up to be a rollercoaster. Work lives and home lives will be combined in the most extreme way.