Managing limits
Limits are not something I really subscribe to. This is not a good way to live. In the past, this approach has caused my life to become pretty messy. I remember my exasperated mum exclaiming at some point in my twenties “you’re not only burning the candle at both ends, you’ve started in the middle!” So although I don’t like limits, after some hard lessons learned, I’m learning to at least acknowledge them.
The system that works best for me is the traffic light system. I don’t think this is an actual system, it’s just a tool I use to manage myself. If this is actually a thing that someone has invented, it’s a great system – well done!
The traffic light system works like this. At some point in each day I check in with myself. I ask myself which level I’m at.
Green is cruising – I’m on top of it all. I’m on top of my work deadlines, and have even wrapped a present for the upcoming birthday party one of my kids is invited to.
Orange means things are a little pressured. I’ll deliver what I need to, the kids are fed and happy, but the balls I am juggling are keeping me on my toes.
Red means things are crumbling. We’re eating frozen nuggets and some work is getting parked when it shouldn’t.
Over the years I’ve discovered I like to be orange. Green is uncomfortable for me. There’s not enough challenging stuff, not enough pressure and urgency. I find myself watching daytime TV and planning holidays and renovations that will never happen. Green has its place, because this behaviour eventually gets me back into the orange. When I’m orange I’m humming, there is a momentum that I enjoy. It feels a little bit precarious, and for some reason I like this. Now red, that’s where things turn on me. I’ve dabbled a little too much with precarious, and find myself in full blown survival mode. I can survive here for a short period but will crash if I stay here too long.
My daily check-in aims to help avoid the red, or at least see it coming and plan for it. If red is about to arrive I cut corners to get through it. It’s usually short lived if I manage it.
Here are my survival steps for red.
Pause. The first step is to pause and acknowledge things have gotten out of control.
Reflect. I reflect to see if I’ve done something to cause it so I can avoid doing it again in the future.
Plan. What are the crucial things that need to be done? How can I make more time to get it done? Sometimes this means simplifying family meals to the easiest options I have, and paying for more childcare. I try to work four days a week, but keep Friday up my sleeve for red light weeks. I also work evenings if required, but have learnt through previous pregnancies I can only sustain this for one night.
Communicate. I’ve learnt to share my red light status with my husband. It turns out he’s not a mind reader. He will step up during these periods and take on more of the load, but I need to talk to him so he knows what’s going on.
Accept. I accept that red light times are not ideal for my family, and let it go. There’s no point loading a pile of guilt on top of the red light workload. I try to channel those feeling into the reflect step.
Rest. This is possibly the most important. Once I’m through the red light stage I need to rebuild my resources for the next time. I’d love to pretend there won’t be another, but as long as I’m me, I know there will be.
I know red light is not a great place for me, but I am always astounded by what I can achieve during these periods. It’s like I get this superhuman superpower to deliver. It can be addictive, and I need to continually remind myself that it’s not healthy for me to remain in this state, and that I don’t like it if it lasts too long.
So what light do you like to be? What strategies do you have to cope when the light changes?