Financial independence: Why being able to leave my marriage makes me happy to stay

I’m driven by independence. In particular, financial independence. I want it for me, and I want others to have it too.

I didn’t realise this until I had my first child. I found being on maternity leave a real struggle. Being reliant on my husband for so much really didn’t sit well with me. I know that we’re a team, and he never made me feel anything other than loved and appreciated, but I felt a loss.

I’d spent years building a career, and that career had come to an abrupt halt. I had thought about what it would be like to be on maternity leave from a practical perspective, but not from an emotional one.

As I tried to find my place in this new world, I tried a multitude of different ways to achieve work-life balance. I tried to accept that I was working part-time, and that our household ran off a messy combination of paid and unpaid labour. But the stalling of my career – and with it my financial independence – was hard to accept. On top of that I wanted more kids. I had to do something different.

So I decided to change how I looked at things. I decided that while we had young children it was expected that I’d be earning less, so now was a perfect time to pivot. It’s hard to give up financial security to try something risky. But I’d already given it up, so what did I have to lose?

Initially I started working as a consultant. I made sure I always worked remotely and never directly referred to the fact that I was working part-time. This was easier to achieve when I started working on projects at a fixed price. My clients no longer had an investment in where I was working or whether I was working all the hours I said I was working, because they were now paying for what I delivered, not for how long it took me. This subtle shift in working for outputs not hours gave me the freedom to be a mum and still work on interesting projects that normally wouldn’t be open to part-timers.

Working in this way has really helped me. I feel like my career is progressing while I’m working part-time. I’m earning more, and that’s brought back my sense of financial independence. It has allowed my husband and I to share the financial load. If for some reason he wasn’t able to work or was made redundant, my skills are up-to-date and I could step up to the role of main breadwinner.

And my need for independence is satisfied because I know if I wanted to leave him I’d be able to survive financially. I have no intention of doing this – I love him dearly – but in my crazy brain, knowing I could leave if I wanted to just makes me relax and enjoy staying all the more.

What I’ve learned about working part-time under the radar:

1.     Don’t answer the phone if you can’t talk. This sounds obvious, but the number of times I answered a call and then had to lock myself away from a screaming child to finish it was surprising. Remember, clients aren’t paying you for all your time. Even if someone was working full-time in an office, there’s no guarantee they’ll answer their phone.

2.     Don’t explain your availability. When making meetings with clients I give them windows of time that I’m available. You don’t need to explain – or worse apologise – for the fact you can’t meet before 10 because you have school drop-off. (Admittedly, I’ve eased up on this rule for myself now, because I think it’s important that workplaces embrace working parents, but when I was starting out I stuck to this strictly.) I still remember telling a client I couldn’t meet on Monday because I had a workshop all day, when the workshop was actually with my three-year-old. We met on Tuesday and no one complained.

3.     Do what you say you’re going to do. In this model, trust is huge. If you say you’re going to do something by a set time - then make sure you do it. Relationships are key if you want to work for outputs rather than hours. Clients may have their own deliverables tied to yours, so make sure you follow through.